Building Stronger Relationships: Insights from Gottman

Healthy relationships don’t just happen, they grow through intention, understanding, and connection. At New Horizons Marriage and Family Therapy, we believe relationships of all kinds, romantic, family, or friendships play a major role in our emotional well-being.

Dr. John Gottman, one of the leading researchers in relationship health, has spent

decades studying what makes relationships thrive. His work offers simple, practical tools that anyone can start using.

The Four Horsemen: What to Look Out For

Gottman identified four communication patterns that can chip away at a relationship if

they show up often:

• Criticism: Attacking the person instead of the behavior.

• Contempt: Sarcasm, mockery, or eye-rolling that sends the message “I’m better

than you.”

• Defensiveness: Shifting blame or trying to protect yourself instead of listening.

• Stonewalling: Shutting down or withdrawing during conflict.

Awareness is Powerful!

Strengthening Connection With Everyday Practices

Gottman’s research also highlights what helps relationships grow stronger:

• Turning Toward Each Other: Those small moments, hugs, smiles, quick check-

  ins build emotional trust.

• Positive Perspective: Seeing your partner in a generally positive light makes

  conflict feel less threatening.

• Shared Meaning: Rituals, routines, and shared goals help partners feel like

  they’re building a life together.

Repair Attempts: The Real-Time Relationship Reset

Conflict is normal. What matters is how you recover from it.

A repair attempt is any gesture, words, humor, a gentle touch that helps de-escalate

tension. Examples include:

• Acknowledging your partner’s feelings

• Offering validation

• Saying something kind or reassuring

Couples who use repair attempts well tend to weather conflict more easily and feel more connected afterward.

How We Use Gottman’s Principles at New Horizons

In our relational therapy sessions, we support couples and families in:

• Communicating more openly and with empathy

• Identifying patterns that keep them feeling stuck

• Practicing tools for repair and reconnection

• Building rituals, routines, and shared meaning

Our goal is always the same: helping people strengthen their connections and build

relationships that feel supportive, resilient, and loving.

Final Thoughts

Relationships deeply influence our mental and emotional health. With awareness, practice, and guidance, it’s absolutely possible to shift out of unhealthy patterns and create more trust, warmth, and connection.

At New Horizons Marriage and Family Therapy, we’re here to walk alongside you as you build relationships that truly nurture you.

Resources

The Gottman Institute. (n.d.). The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com